Sex and Porn Addiction Therapy
Are You Struggling With Compulsive Sexual Behaviour or Porn Use?
Many men find themselves stuck in cycles of compulsive sexual behaviour or pornography use that feel out of control. You might tell yourself it’s harmless or that you can stop whenever you want, only to find the urge pulling you back. These moments often come with shame, secrecy, or confusion about why it keeps happening – especially when it doesn’t align with the kind of man you want to be.
At Wild North Men’s Therapy, we don’t view addiction as a moral failing. As Dr. Gabor Maté writes, “The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain?” Addiction is often an attempt to soothe discomfort, loneliness, stress, or emotional wounds that haven’t yet been given the space to heal. Pornography, sex, or fantasy can temporarily quiet the mind, offering escape, validation, or a sense of control. But over time, the relief fades, leaving guilt, disconnection, and a deeper emptiness.
Why Men Struggle With Sexual Addiction
In our culture, men are often taught to disconnect from emotion while tying their worth to performance, success, and control. Pornography takes advantage of this conditioning – it’s designed to capture attention and trigger the brain’s reward systems in ways that natural connection struggles to compete with.
Porn and sex addiction works by calling forth what Dr. Gabor Maté calls the “hungry ghosts” within us – the parts that try to fill unmet internal needs with things in the external world. However, no matter how much they take from the world outside, they are never going to heal the deeper issues within.
Porn can give us a momentary hit of dopamine followed by a release of endorphins. It mimics connection while requiring no vulnerability, no rejection, and no emotional risk. Over time, the brain adapts to seek more stimulation and novelty to achieve the same effect- pleasure that comes seemingly without consequence. A deal that is too good to be true.
This can create a cycle of craving, release, and shame. The more a man relies on porn to soothe discomfort or loneliness, the less his nervous system learns how to tolerate or process those emotions directly. The result isn’t just addiction to porn or sexual gratification – it’s disconnection from the deeper needs it temporarily satisfies.
Leaning Into Sex and Porn Addiction
Breaking free from compulsive sexual behaviour or pornography use isn’t just about willpower. It’s like trying to quiet a fire alarm by covering it with a pillow – the sound might fade for a moment, but the smoke is still filling the room. The alarm isn’t the real problem; it’s a signal that something deeper needs your attention.
Sex and porn addiction work the same way. They’re signals of underlying pain – loneliness, boredom, stress, existential emptiness, and disconnection – that are calling for care, connection, and understanding.
Leaning into addiction means slowing down long enough to notice what the urge is trying to say instead of reacting to it. It’s about becoming curious about the part of you that seeks escape or relief and learning how to meet that part with compassion instead of shame.
When you stop fighting the addiction and start understanding it, you begin to hear what it’s been trying to communicate all along – that there’s pain beneath the surface asking to be seen.
How We Treat Sex and Porn Addiction at Wild North
At Wild North Men’s Therapy, our work begins with curiosity, compassion, and science-backed understanding. We draw on principles from our custom-made Wild North Recovery Toolkit, which is inspired by the teachings of Gabor Maté, Richard Schwartz, Abraham Maslow, Viktor Frankl, Brad Blanton, Neale Donald Walsch, Leo Gura, and first-hand experience with the recovery process. The toolkit integrates neuroscience, Internal Family Systems, radical honesty, and spiritual psychology into a cohesive framework for healing addiction. It’s something to empower you to find sobriety on your own as well as laying out the approach we take to treating addiction at Wild North. Check it out if you want to learn more about the nature of addiction and the ways we can overcome it.
We view addiction not as a moral failing, but as the brain’s attempt to manage pain, loneliness, anxiety, existential dread, or disconnection through temporary relief. As Gabor Maté defines it: “Any behaviour in which a person finds temporary relief or pleasure and therefore craves, but suffers negative consequences, and yet has difficulty giving up.” It’s not the behaviour itself that gives you relief – it’s the chemical reaction in your brain (dopamine and endorphin release) that brings short-term comfort but long-term imbalance.
Together, we’ll slow down and begin to notice what’s happening before, during, and after urges arise. You’ll learn how your brain’s reward system has been rewired by overstimulation and how to restore natural motivation, pleasure, and calm through connection, mindfulness, and meaning.
Our integrative model draws from Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help you build compassion for the parts of yourself that seek relief through addictive behaviour. Healing begins when curiosity replaces judgment – when you can listen to what your behaviour is trying to protect rather than fight against it.
Alongside this inner work, we’ll use practical, neuroscience-informed tools to retrain your nervous system: building routines that regulate dopamine and endorphins, improving sleep and exercise habits, reducing triggers, and strengthening accountability. These small, consistent actions help rewire your brain while nurturing discipline and self-respect.
The goal isn’t to eliminate desire or label it as bad. It’s to rebuild your relationship with it – to understand what it’s asking for, and to respond from a place of awareness rather than compulsion. Over time, this work can help you reconnect to your body, to intimacy, and to a more grounded sense of self.
Discover more about Internal Family Systems (IFS) and how it shapes the Wild North approach.
Explore how Narrative Therapy guides the Wild North approach to helping you author a more authentic story.
Uncover how Somatic Therapy at Wild North helps you access the body’s wisdom to heal and integrate trauma.
Together, we’ll work on connecting you to the part of yourself that is calm, confident, courageous, and able to see the world with greater clarity. This is the part of you that knows how to hold space for your anxious feelings. It is the part of you that inherently knows how to heal your suffering and live in the present.
Inclusive Practice
My practice is LGBTQ+ affirming, sex-positive, and welcoming of women, non-traditional relationships, and gender-diverse identities. I’m also a friend and ally to the BIPOC community, and I have experience working with clients from diverse cultural, racial, and ethnic backgrounds. I strive to create a therapy space where you can explore your culture and experiences without fear of judgment or minimization. If you were born in the Milky Way, you are welcome here.