IFS Informed Therapy
Understanding and Working With Your Inner World
Have you ever caught yourself saying, “A part of me wants to… but another part of me doesn’t”?
That’s the language of Internal Family Systems (IFS) – a model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz – that sees the mind as made up of different “parts,” each with its own feelings, beliefs, histories, and intentions. Some parts protect you and manage your life, others try to fix your problems when you’re distressed, and some carry a burden that is so painful to feel that they have been pushed deep down (until something triggers them and they come flooding back in gangbusters style).
All of them have your best interest at heart – including the parts of yourself that appear to be hurting you, causing you problems, or even killing you. Some parts of us can learn maladaptive strategies to keep us functioning and keep us alive. For example, a part of us may seek drugs, alcohol, or other forms of self-harm to ease our pain. If that part did not step in and use these strategies, the alternative could be something even more devastating.
IFS is non-pathologizing. Which is a fancy way of saying it isn’t concerned with a specific DSM diagnosis of your mental state. More simply, IFS does not see people as depressed, anxious, bipolar, borderline, etc… Dr. Richard Schwartz talks about how those labels can feel like a life-sentence that we become overly attached to.
For example, through the IFS lens, someone who is struggling with depression may be viewed as someone who has a part of themself that is carrying a burden of deep sorrow, unworthiness, shame, loneliness, or grief. When that part of us takes the wheel of our life, it looks a lot like depression. The goal then, is to help a person access the parts of themselves that carry these burdens, listen and learn from what they have to tell us, feel what they need us to feel, and ultimately help them let go of the burdens they carry.
The last thing to understand about the IFS model in this short summary is about the capital “S” Self. The Self is the part of us that every human being on this planet has when we get a little space from our other (egoic) parts. It is the part of you that inherently understands how to heal yourself, how to listen to yourself, how to love yourself, and how to love others.
It is the part of you that is calm, clear, compassionate, confident, connected, curious, creative and courageous. IFS therapy centers around connecting you with your Self to empower you to heal your inner and outer world. The goal of IFS therapy is to help you live a life that is Self-led.
Check out No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz if you’re interested in learning about the model in depth.
Why It Matters for Men
Many men move through life without realizing how divided they feel inside. There’s the part that wants to be strong and composed, and another that feels tired or overwhelmed. The part that wants to connect deeply, and the one that fears being rejected or misunderstood. Most of us are taught early on to listen to only a few of these parts – the logical, productive, and tough ones. We try not to identify with the parts that might be seen as weak, sensitive, or uncertain.
But at some point, the cracks start to show. You might notice that you’re not as rational as you thought you were. That your reactions – especially in conflict or under stress – have been far more emotional than you’d like to admit. Try reading an old text you sent in the heat of an argument. At the time, your words probably felt measured, justified, and ironclad. But reading them now, in a calmer state, you can see the emotion underneath – the fear, frustration, or hurt that was poking through.
The truth is, we’re all emotional creatures, whether we like it or not. And the more we try to silence or shame those emotions, the louder and more distorted they become. IFS offers a different way. Instead of fighting with your reactions or pretending they don’t exist, you learn to understand where they come from. You begin to recognize the parts of you that are scared, protective, or exhausted – and to meet them with compassion instead of control.
For many men, that shift changes everything. It’s the difference between reacting and responding, between shutting down and staying connected. When you start leading from the part of yourself that’s calm, grounded, and curious – your Self – you stop being ruled by your emotions and start understanding them.
IFS-Informed Therapy at Wild North
The philosopher Alfred Korzybski famously said, “The map is not the territory.” That idea guides much of the work we do at Wild North. Models like Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help us navigate the landscape of the mind – but they are still just maps, not the terrain itself.
Some clients connect deeply with IFS as a metaphor for understanding the different parts within them – the protector, the critic, the caretaker, the exile. Others experience their inner world more literally, as if each part has its own distinct presence or voice. There’s no right or wrong way to approach it.
My role as a therapist is to meet you where you are. Together, we can use the IFS model as a tool to understand your internal dynamics, while also keeping perspective on whether the model is serving your growth and goals. Sometimes frameworks like IFS can illuminate the path; other times, they can become another structure we cling to.
That’s why my approach is integrative – drawing from IFS as both a metaphor and a method, while staying rooted in what’s actually happening in the room, in your body, and in your life. The goal isn’t to master the model; it’s to deepen self-understanding and reconnect with the part of you that knows how to lead with clarity, curiosity, and compassion.
At the end of the day, a map is a great tool to give us direction – but the healing happens in walking the path itself.
IFS Can Help With:
Inner conflict and self-criticism
Anxiety and overthinking
Depression and emotional numbness
Relationship struggles and communication
Trauma and unresolved experiences
Addictive or avoidant coping patterns
Inclusive Practice
My practice is LGBTQ+ affirming, sex-positive, and welcoming of women, non-traditional relationships, and gender-diverse identities. I’m also a friend and ally to the BIPOC community, and I have experience working with clients from diverse cultural, racial, and ethnic backgrounds. I strive to create a therapy space where you can explore your culture and experiences without fear of judgment or minimization. If you were born in the Milky Way, you are welcome here.